do-not-touch-my-food:

Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad
blshiit:

DO U NEED A STEPMOM?!?
griseldablondco:

spencerleegriffin:

When I met and shook hands with President Obama on Friday I introduced myself and said, “my name is Spencer Griffin and I work at collegehumor.com.” He said, “okay, so are you funny?” and I said confidently, “yeah, I’m funny.” And he said, “tell me something funny.” And I blanked. He laughed and said, “yeah, that’s what I thought.” I got roasted by the President of the United States.

BOY HE FLAMED YO ASS
shrek one: BEST
shrek two: the funniest movie i have ever seen. literally one of the funniest comedies of all time. incredible pacing and dialogue. reference jokes that were actually funny. surreal world that was so modern fantasy it actually worked. rocking score. awesome scene set to "i need a hero" being sung by the villain unironically and completely played straight. a bar of villains. just overall the best concepts ever.
shrek three: bad
shrek four: bad
october 1st: i'm cOMIN OUTTA MY GRAVE AND I BEEN DOIN JUST FINE

lion:

when u call shotgun but ur friend still runs for itimage

(via onceawhoreyourenothingmorex)

shingekinokyojinheaven:

opticallyaroused:

Ladies, and gentlemen, this is the captain. If you look out the right side of the aircraft you will notice flight 195 challenging us to a race.

please put on your seat belts because it’s about to get raw as hell up in this bitch *sound of plane diving*

castielhasthephoneb0x:

a-study-in-butts:

thetwincores:

asapmona:

rhydonmyhardon:

let us have a moment of silence for those who unknowingly dated and broke up with a future celebrity

my math teacher dated Ryan Gosling in highschool.

my neighbor dated bill nye the science guy

well my godmother dated david tennant when they were 16

my boyfriend dated me

image

(via onceawhoreyourenothingmorex)

postllimit:

why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”

(Source: postllimit, via wonderslut)

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